


Unrequited

by AwesomeTrinket



Series: Baleygr x Taranys Stuff [2]
Category: Summoners War (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Epistolary, Hanahaki Disease, Heavy Angst, I Made Myself Cry, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I cried writing this, M/M, One Shot, One-Sided Attraction, Unrequited Love, i s2g taranys didn't deserve it, oh yeah druids can get hanahaki disease apparently, oneshots are fun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-31
Updated: 2020-01-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:27:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22481806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AwesomeTrinket/pseuds/AwesomeTrinket
Summary: Taranys is in love with Baleygr, but there's no way he'd ever tell him that. (a.k.a. the AU where Baleygr is already married to Tesarion)
Relationships: Baleygr / Tesarion, Onesided Taranys / Baleygr
Series: Baleygr x Taranys Stuff [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1617826
Comments: 4
Kudos: 8
Collections: /r/FanFiction Prompt Challenge #16 / January 2020





	Unrequited

**Author's Note:**

> WHO’S READY TO SUFFER WITH ME WITH THIS ANGSTY ONE SHOT
> 
> Aaaaaanyway, I got a writing prompt for January on the /r/fanfiction subreddit, and I tried to make this fluffy, I really did. But I guess my brain was like “nah, we’ve written too much fluff with Golden Hair. TIME TO ANGST”
> 
> The way this fic came to be is super weird, too, because I’d already had a snippet in my head, and then I learned about Hanahaki Disease the day after and I was like “oh gawd yes.” So, here we are, angsting about love that will never be.
> 
> Also, I’d like to point out my current AU description isn’t entirely accurate. It’s more like “the AU where Taranys and Baleygr are childhood friends but haven’t seen each other in a decade, Baleygr is married to Tesarion and Druids can get Hanahaki Disease.” But that’s a bit too long to be added in a summary, isn’t it?

**Unrequited**

I don’t know how many times I've begun to write this letter, again and again, starting countless times with ‘To my dearest Baleygr,’ only to abruptly scrap it all and tear the letter up.

I suppose, the only way I can write this now is knowing you will never see it, Baleygr.

The truth is, I’m in love with you. I’ve been in love since the day we met. Your gorgeous face lingers in my mind; your voice haunts my dreams. Sometimes if I slip into a daydream, I can swear I see your golden hair out of the corner of my eye.

But I know I can never tell you any of this, not for fear of being rejected, or perhaps your sexuality does not align with mine. No, I know it is because you’re already married – and happily so, at that. You seem so happy with that man… Tesarion, is that his name? Oh, I’m sure I spelled that wrong. But I suppose it does not matter. You will never see a word of this.

I’m so happy for you, Baleygr, I truly am. I wish you nothing but the best in life, but is it wrong to say that I want, with all of my heart, to be in Tesarion’s position? Every day I see how happy you are together, and my only wish is to make you that happy myself.

Forgive me, Baleygr, for these things I feel about you.

\- Taranys

[It seems the page is stained and wrinkled with tear marks.]

* * *

Earlier, I got to meet your new husband, Tesarion. He tells me you and he have been married for two years now, and that you’re the love of his life. Tesarion told me the story of how you two first met, and how the two of you climbed the Trial of Ascension together.

To me, you are dazzling, and I’m sure that to him you are beautiful beyond words. His words still linger in my head now as I write this. “He’s the most perfect man I’ve ever met. I wish I’d met him sooner!” He’s so enamored with you, Baleygr.

I’m sure you must feel like the luckiest man in the world to have him! And really, that’s all that should matter to me – that you are happy – but why does it hurt so much to see you with another man? Something inside me tells me so bitterly that it should have been me you lean up against and kiss so tenderly. Whenever that dreadful side of me rears his head, I cannot help but bury my face in my hands and weep for what we could have been.

I feel like the worst friend in the world for feeling this disgusting jealousy. I wish I weren’t so in love with you; this way I could truly be happy that you found a man to love, who loves you just as much. Maybe one of these days, I’ll be able to congratulate you on your marriage and mean it with all of my heart.

\- Taranys

* * *

The last time we met, all those years ago, I promised I would declare my love for you the next time we saw each other, but I suppose we both know that will never happen. Not a day goes by where I don’t think of you and your handsome smile. I’m glad that Tesarion makes you smile like that so easily. You deserve nothing less.

I saw you in the Raids today, fighting against the three-headed beast Khi’zar Kha’jul. Your raw power will never fail to impress me, Baleygr. And how you fight, too! It’s as if you bring upon an apocalypse on the beast, with little more than a raise of your staff and a flick of your wrist. Merely thinking about it now is enough to bring a smile to my face. I wonder if Tesarion is as impressed as I.

In the passing days since our reunion, I find myself taking more and more rests and growing ever more tired. Whenever I think of you, it gets harder to breathe, and I can feel the tears burn my eyes and threaten to fall. I can’t help but ask if my state of health has something to do with this ache in my heart? But I know I cannot come out face-to-face and wonder aloud, so I’m left to write it down for my eyes only.

How I wish I could talk to you about all of this! We converse about so much, catching the other up on what they’ve missed out on over the last ten years, but deep down my mind screams to tell you the truth of how I really feel. Tesarion seems like a kind man, and I am more than content, as long as you are happy.

Even if I cannot be your lover, I will accept being your best friend with a genuine smile on my face.

\- Taranys

* * *

[Starting with this entry, the writing becomes shakier and harder to read.]

You still look so beautiful with roses in your hair, Baleygr. I still remember the day you told me how fascinated you were with the concept of blue roses, and how impossible they are in the wild. Because of you, every time I see a rose in the wild I think of you and smile. I’m glad that Tesarion gives you flowers on a regular basis, and treats you so right. Lately, though, you’ve been coming back from the Wind Rift more and more injured. I don’t know what goes on in there, but I cannot help but worry.

I’ve been getting worse and worse as the days go by. Now, it’s almost always difficult to breathe, even in the moments when your face doesn’t flash by my mind. Even the slightest thing will send me into a violent coughing fit, the kind that rattles your chest and leaves you breathless. I nearly collapsed in the middle of a Guild Battle, and we were so close to losing. I’m sure you saw it all, watching on the sidelines with Katarina and Chloe.

Would it be wrong to say that the only reason I kept myself going was because you were there?

Someone on the island – I can’t remember who, though – once told me that you never truly get over heartbreak, but every time you wake up in the morning it becomes more and more manageable. When will the pain start to lessen for me? I have so much love to give to you, my darling Baleygr, but a love between us will never be.

All these tears I’ve shed for you, but you will never know their existence.

\- Taranys

* * *

Perhaps I was dreaming when I coughed up a flower petal today.

It was so abrupt and sudden; I didn’t even realize what it was until it was in my hand, velvety soft and tiny. Out of shock, I dropped it to the ground, and then it was gone, carried into the wind to unknown places. Amelia looked at me as if I was crazy, and to be honest, I don’t know if I’m truly sound in the head anymore.

Baleygr, I don’t know what’s happening to me. I’m terrified that I’m going insane over my unrequited love for you. Can severe heartbreak really do such a thing?

I know how much I’ve written this before, but I wish I could talk to you about this. But I know that the exposure of my true feelings would destroy our friendship, and I can’t bear the thought of losing you.

Stay with me, Baleygr. I want to stay with you.

\- Taranys

[The time between each entry grows longer.]

* * *

I can’t breathe.

It’s so hard to breathe now, and I don’t know why. I struggle to inhale, and when my chest rises too far, it feels like my skin is constricting in on itself. The Summoner had to bench me from Guild Wars today; I could barely move, much less fight. The flower petal I coughed up wasn’t a dream; I’ve been coughing out more and more as time goes on. Sometimes they’re torn and destroyed, sometimes whole.

Once I even threw up an entire flower. It was a small, blue rose, just like the kind you love, Baleygr. Every moment I feel like I’m going to vomit again if I even move an inch. But there’s no blood whenever I convulse and wretch so hard; only flower petals.

Why is this happening?

I’m terrified, Baleygr. I don’t know what any of this means. I feel like I’m going to pass out.

\- Taranys

* * *

[Every word seems to shake and tremble, and the ink is splotchy at best.]

I’m sorry I lied to you about my Infirmary visit today.

I know how worried you were when I said I went to the Infirmary, and I didn’t want you to be upset. An ache in my chest springs up when I see you so concerned, and that’s why I lied, and said it was nothing; I was just being paranoid.

The truth is, Baleygr, I’m dying.

Amelia said that the disease I had was called… oh, what was it? I believe it’s called Hanahaki Disease. She says there are flowers growing in my lungs, restricting every breath I take. It’s born out of heartbreak, and one-sided love. As the days go by and the pain becomes more intense, the flowers grow bigger and bigger, until the victim suffocates. Amelia told me that she’d never seen a case so severe as mine.

We discussed options for treatment. Apparently, the standard procedure for Hanahaki was to get surgery to remove the flowers, but I’ll forget all my memories of you if I do get them removed. I never told her it’s you I’m pining so hard over, but I get the feeling she knows, because of the roses that bloom in my lungs.

When I told her I don’t want to forget, such a pained look came across her face, and the next words that came out of her mouth were that the other option was that they could try to make me as comfortable as possible before I… pass on.

My whole world is caving in around me.

If I don’t get this surgery, I’ll die. But I don’t want to live in a world without you, Baleygr. I really don’t.

\- Taranys

* * *

My dearest Baleygr,

I’ve thought about things for a while. As I write this, it’s become near impossible to breathe, and I know that I don’t want to die. I’m terrified to go, because I don’t want to lose you, Baleygr. At the same time, I don’t want to forget who you are.

I’ve decided to go under the knife, at the cost of all those memories I have of you.

Did you know that the blue rose symbolizes unattainable love? It’s quite ironic; dying from a flower that takes on the same meaning as the cause of my condition.

I’m sure that, once I get the surgery, I won’t have a care in the world whether I hurt you or not, but right now, I worry and worry. My only regret in life is that I did not tell you how I truly felt about you, before we parted ways. A part of me wishes that you’d waited for me to come back, but I know how selfish that is.

Life goes on, and you were bound to find someone, to fall in love, to marry, and spend your life with them. All I ask is that you put your happiness above all else. ~~~~

I wish I could say “I’ll never forget you, dear,” but I know that’s a lie.

My favorite memory of you is when I first met you, smiling away and idly playing with your hair. I can still hear the tone of your voice as you introduce yourself.

I can feel the thorns piercing my lungs now with each breath. I don’t have much time before it’s too late to get this surgery. Don’t cry over me, and certainly don’t leave Tesarion over this. I just want you to be happy. And besides, perhaps one day we can make new memories together.

Take of yourself for me, alright? Thank you for everything, Baleygr.

I love you.

\- Taranys

* * *

[It’s been almost a full year now since the last entry. The handwriting is much cleaner, and the entire letter seems to have almost a sad tone to it.]

It’s hard to believe I could have written something I have no memory of.

Everything’s felt so surreal ever since I’ve gotten that supposed surgery. All I can remember is that one day I abruptly had blue flowers in my lungs, and then I had it removed. I thought it was odd that a blonde man came to visit me in the hospital, acting as if he’d known me for years, when I had thought I’d never seen him before.

I understand now that man was you, Baleygr.

Ever since that surgery, I’ve been living in a world with a metaphorical hole in my chest. Every morning, I’d wake up and go throughout my day, fighting in the Guild Wars and in the dimension of Ellunia, feeling like something was missing in my life. I never could pinpoint why I felt that way, or what caused it. But now that I see these letters I’ve written ages ago, I suppose everything makes more sense.

It’s so strange to see things I’ve clearly written without remembering putting the words down in paper. I cannot properly describe how painful it is, seeing I’ve poured my heart and soul into letters for the man I used to love while I lack even the faintest memory of them.

There are so many memories of you, Baleygr, that I’ve apparently written and thought about, but when I try to bring them up in my memories, I get a blank. I don’t know if I’ll ever remember, but I’m sure that you were my whole world, to the point where I seriously considered dying so I wouldn’t have to forget you.

I wish I knew what to say to make it all better, but I know that there’s nothing I can do. There’s no magic remedy to make everything okay in the end, and our worlds have been shattered beyond repair. I suppose the only thing we can do now is try to move on; live our lives, knowing that one period of time is over and will never come back.

\- Taranys


End file.
